I have traveled millions of miles but reaching my seventh continent was more a challenge not from rough seas but in navigating the most Bat Shit Crazy people I have ever endured… The great: There were the lovely gals and guys, solo and not that were smart, worldly, funny, and fun who made this trip more enjoyable for the fact that I learned interesting things about them, their lives, loves, passions and philosophies that were the antidote to many a poisonous venom from the gals below.
The BSC writer with exophthalmic eyes and a mouth that contorts into a Munch-like Scream, with more drama than Broadway and blamed it on a lack of sleep, bipolar much? Whom I called out on saying something unnecessary and snarky to her traveling companion, whom I dubbed “sloppy borderline alcoholic,” a duplicitous trust-not, who literally screwed over BSC Psycho by selling her a high-commissioned disAdvantage plan smiling all the while.
The tackiest, “look at me, I didn’t get enough attention as a child,” neon-pink-lipped, moribund gray fake fingernails, and a single comb-over side bun that looks like a lopsided growth out of the side of her nearly shaved head, accenting her Dumbo-esque ears; who wouldn’t stop bragging about all things dull and boring. Newsflash: nobody cares the first second or third time you boasted about “not moving when I sleep – give me a metal of honor,” but complains about everything. My favorite: “I hate sweet wines, I have a cellar full…” She bossed around the staff with special requests and could stop a conversation cold by interrupting, interjecting, and making it about herself full stop. Desperately lonely, she had preteen-like crush on a solo man who would never want to kiss radio active lips. Thing is she could be attractive… Comb-over’s lovely side-kick, wouldn’t shut up, she literally talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks, specializing in the mundane, she loves newspaper puzzles – and drones on and on and on and on and on and on barely stopping to take a breath; I gave up on any kind of meaningful conversation with after hearing her tell the same “I do these puzzles and am so good at it because it just comes to me, here, let me show you how good I am” for the 5th time. Only time she ever shut up was in trivia where she contributed Absolutely… Zero. I tried really hard to like her.
Then there is the “can I join you for lunch/dinner because nobody wants me,” meek, soft-voiced mouse, passive aggressive, sporting a poor posture dowager hump; fine featured, tightest face/eyes/neck plastic surgery – It looked painful, at 69 years old was becoming a nurse to hook a doctor because someone has to remove the nest of a hair piece she pinned on every. single. day. She should have given it to the comb-over braggart to even things up. At night her perfume so strong, it had people looking for where the heavy odor was emitting from yards away; it burned my nose. Unfortunately when she and pink lips would sit with me at a communal table, nobody else wanted to… the last night resulting in several folks jumping to a new table with lighting speed, leaving Tight Face, Radio Active Pink Lips, and Doesn’t Shut Up, alone and dumbfounded, while the rest of us had a blast at the new table.
While I realize these women must have some level of success to have afforded this trip and kudos to the Inebriate advantage plan insurance gal for not ruffling any feathers (she IS in sales after all,) and bonus points to Tacky Neon Pink lips/comb-over/corpse nails, who butt bumped me backwards onto another pax as I was trying to make a tight flight connection…
This post is a result of if you can’t say something nice but I just had to let it out ugly as it is. And praise to the gals who could keep their mouths shut – I could learn a lot from them.
categories: Uncategorized | Comments Off on The Great, the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Truth
In the early 80’s, my older connected lobbyist roommate had invites to the Western States Governors Conference opening reception cocktail thing in Albuquerque, NM. Arriving slightly late, filling out the obligatory name tag a man behind me asked if I could fill one out for him, “sure,” what’s your name? “Bruce Babbitt,” I said “Babbitt, like Rabbitt?” Laughing he spelled out B-A-B-B-I-T-T, I patted the name tag onto his chest, we locked elbows and sashayed into the party. Not sure if the flush of my cheeks matched the radiant heat rising like thermometer from my feet, as the larger than life, 3 term NM Governor, Bruce King, beelined his way over saying, “Governor Babbitt, nice of you to join us!” Or something like that – my ears were white hot and not working, and I was possibly mumbling something stupid. Fortunately, Roommate quickly, graciously, and calmly extricated me from being sandwiched between two giant old friends, inquiring what the heck was I doing with Governor Babbitt?! (Still with me?) Horrible wild fires have destroyed Ruidoso, Lincoln County, NM, largely National Forrest – an oasis in what most perceive as flat desert. I have advocated for a Western States Air Firefighting Response Team. If air support can get to a fire in the first two hours 80% of the time it can be contained in days – not weeks or months, the fire doesn’t become utterly devastating. There is a small Air Force Fire Fighting Brigade of 8-10 planes, based in NM. California State finally implemented one brigade a couple of years ago, but it’s not enough. There needs to be a similar coalition at every Air Force Base and every airport that can handle traffic and supplies from New Mexico north and west to Hawaii, every single western state. NOW. Cost too much? What about the hundreds of millions, even billions it costs to fight massive fires and FEMA for recovery? Climate and fires will never get better. Tipping point was 2015, years before the climate scientists predicted it would be… we’ve done next to nothing. We need united western states action, we need it now. Until the Sierra Club sues and State and National jurisdictions jockey for position… sigh.
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A second cousin is putting together a bit about the family, he asked for my bio, this is all I’ve got.
Things I’m good at – Making Messes, Skiing
Traveled to 67 countries; goal of 100+
Have a thing about islands in the middle of nowhere including Galapagos, Easter Island, Cuba, Bali, NZ, Tasmania,…
Danced with Gene Kelly (so memorable)
Been to the Oscars, Emmys, and Cannes Film Festival
Worked on the precursors of both Siri and Netflix
Landed my mom a credited role in a Carl Reiner film.
Worked with Rob Reiner et al, at Castle Rock in TV Development (we had a little show called Seinfeld)
Have been in 3 major earthquakes (9.2, 7.1, 5.9)
3 superbowls (one for fun, one for work, one I crashed!) 1 World Series
Worked on a bunch of tv shows and a couple of films. Edited scripts for Harpo Productions (Oprah Winfrey)
Attended Midsummer Night’s Dream party at Playboy Mansion West 2x
Got stranded in dead-end tunnel in Belgium Metro
Lunched with Dick Clark at his home in Malibu, dined with Quincy Jones at his house in Bel Air
Worked with MacArthur Genius Award winner Dr. Stephen Schneider on a tv show about climate change (was with Steve in NOLA when he was notified of his win…)
Got clocked skiing at 63mph in 2020
Did one year in National Ski Patrol – both my knees and I survived.
Barely Survived building a house in Santa Fe
Dined at Rick’s Place in Casablanca
Election Poll Worker in 5 elections
Volunteered over 1000 hours with various organizations
Decent cook – (my soufflés are legendary and I’m now allergic to eggs!)
Have flown close to 2 million miles
Hiked the Powell Nanokweap trail in/out of Grand Canyon at Marble Canyon
Once checked-in for a flight to Narita only to find out my ticket was to Nagoya (blonde moment) but enjoyed the trip anyway! Enjoyed Fu No Yu – View Bath at Nagoya Airport
Summited Half Dome in 2010 was scheduled again in 2020 but pandemic
Summited Mt. Fuji
Gave talks on travel hacking and took a month-long international trip on points!
Jumped out of a perfectly good airplane at 10K ft.
Spent a summer river rafting
Performed a stand-up comedy routine at The Comedy Club in LA
Survived a pandemic – so far
Really want to go to Antartica, Africa, and Argentina; have been to Andorra, Austria, Australia, Antigua…
Had this bio put into narrative by a 5 time Emmy award winner friend
Have fabulous friends, and thousands of twitter followers
I can swear in 7 languages, Blyad! (make that 8… )
Survived Legionnaires Pneumonia (nearly killed me) until which I’d never been hospitalized, had surgery, or anything (knock wood) worse than a flu and mild case of covid.
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One of the last projects I worked on in Hollywood was called “The Fire Next Time” Filmed in 1991 it took place in 2017 – around the “tipping point.”
Worked on this project from inception research to filming for the Executive Producer / Writer (who got fired 1/2 way thru filming, so I never appear in the credits.)
In the years of research I did with the likes of Dr. Stephen Schneider, NOAA, NCAR, and NASA, they all agreed on one thing – there are too many polluting people on earth. Fuck fosses fuels, fuck the people who have sacrificed the planet for money. We knew better and did nothing.
Speaking of morons, wtaf is Trump doing to solve this pandemic in the US? Not enough, not nearly enough. Speaking of Oxymorons, what is your favorite? Plastic Glasses? Jumbo Shrimp? Relative Stranger? Family Vacation?
I miss traveling, I kinda miss travel planning, I totally miss visiting new places. Can’t wait to travel again…
So, what do you think? Barbados for a year? Immigrate to Spain? Portugal?
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The most important thing happening in the world is climate change. I knew this back in the late ’80’s, I know it now. The tipping point happened; expect climate acceleration. We will see climate migration and dissolution of communities, industries, livelyhoods. The Gaia Theory as interpreted by Elizabeth: The Earth will kill what is killing it.
We knew better, and we failed. Homo Sapiens will not outlast Neanderthal time on earth.
My love affair, and now breakup, with cookbooks is devastating. I am crying while purging my cookbooks –
literally the recipe of my life. Hard media vs. memories.
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